


World of Faramir

by eschscholzia



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Commercials, Crack, Enthusiastic Consent, F/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 14:05:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11648094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eschscholzia/pseuds/eschscholzia
Summary: What if there were a museum devoted entirely to our favorite Prince of Ithilien, just like World of Coca Cola, or Hershey Park, or theSmithsonian Exhibit about Captain AmericainWinter Soldier?  And what if there were commercials for it, just likecommercials for World of Coca Cola?





	World of Faramir

**Author's Note:**

> I have never been to World of Coca Cola (although I have been next door to the Georgia Aquarium), but my friends who have been say that the best/main feature is the Wall of Coca Cola, where you can try flavors of Coca Cola from all around the world, as well as mix your own flavor of Coca Cola. From this, a parody was born. Please don't throw things at me.

Scene: A commercial on YouTube or the television  
Happy instrumental music plays in the background

A title card of forest green fades into view, as words flash onto the screen:

World

of

Faramir!

Voiceover: Come to our new museum on the Pelennor Cultural District, the World of Faramir!

[Steadicam helicopter flyover shot swooping down from the sixth level to the green fields]

Voiceover: Commemorating the First Steward of the Fourth Age, we invite you to experience the life of Faramir, Prince of Ithilien!

[Scene of a diverse group of Numenorean and Rohirric families entering the museum and pointing excitedly and laughing at the sights, including an edgy close-up of a Numenorean mother and a Rohirric dad holding the hand of a cute brown-haired child of indeterminate gender.]

Voiceover: Learn of his youth growing up in Minas Tirith. See artifacts from his life!

[Camera pans over museum cases featuring a tattered cloak, and a recurve bow]

[Cut to footage of Boromir, handing Faramir a goblet of ale and saying, "Remember this day, Little Brother!"]

Voiceover: Relieve the days of the Long Defeat and the Ring War in our STEM hall. Make catapults to learn about physics, and study the differences between shield volcanoes, stratovolcanoes, and hotspot volcanism! Have a full day? Sign your child up for a morning of drill learning the life of a Ranger of Ithilien.

[picture of children practicing archery]  
\--------

Child #1, watching video: Naneth! Can we go to that?

\---------

Voiceover: Purchase tickets to ride a tame Mumak from our captive breeding program!

[Scene of Legolas improbably swinging himself onto the Mumak's back]  
\-----------

Child # 2: Naneth! We HAVE to go there!

\-----------  
Voiceover: Women of Gondor- do you like hearing the legends of Faramir and his wife Eowyn of Rohan? Bring your girlfriends and take costumed selfies in our photo booth! Try mixing and matching your favorite Fara-wyn tropes on our Trope Wall!

[Shows a picture of after-hours ladies' night event, with women in trendy/nightclub chitons holding cocktails]

Voiceover: There is the standard formula of Thanwenitis, which was briefly replaced by the New Formula Coffee Shop AU. But what about trying the "only one bed" trope or "marriage of convenience?" Live dangerously and try the Haradric formula: Ballerinas and Mobsters AU. Our tropes come in all varieties, from sweet fluffy drabbles to spicy 50-chapter slow burns!

[Two women in halter-chitons clink their fruity umbrella drinks together]

Voiceover: And of course, who can forget after all the Angst and UST, a happy ending?

[Cut to special effects reenactment of Faramir and Eowyn kissing on the walls, the wind whipping their hair and her skirts. Faramir’s hands creep lower to her backside. Their kiss deepens. The Shieldmaiden grabs him around his torso, picks him up, spins him around, and they sink out of view of the camera.]  
\----------------  
Child # 1: Naneth, what are they doing?

Mother: [covers children's eyes] Umm... maybe not.

\------------  
Voiceover: Conveniently located near Belechthor's Believe it or Not Aquarium, and the Minas Tirith Museum of Arts and Crafts- Pelennor Campus, make it a weekend! Multi-museum tickets are available.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Sian22 for the conversation that inspired this daydream, and for her suggestions. Thanks also to Annafan for her forgiveness after I failed to seek advance permission for using her concept of "Thanwenitis."


End file.
